The Random Page

For the moment--- and perhaps for all time--- I have given up on social media. I've tried leaving it, coming back and leaving again and I must say that coming back didn't illuminate any hidden feelings of devotion. It seems to me that, despite Zuckerberg's utopian hopes, Facebook is still a platform best suited to pet pictures, food pictures, humble bragging and echo chambers.

But I do miss having a space to share my strange and esoteric whimsy. So, welcome to The Random Page. It makes no sense because frequently I don't either.

Using Greek Tragedy To Make Sense Of The Pandemic

Elif Batuman on watching Theater of War's online production of Sophocles' Oedipus the King: "You've never really seen Oedipus, I found myself thinking, till you've seen it during a plague. The plague hadn't really stood out to me on previous readings, yet it was the key to everything... No matter how many times you see it pulled off, the magic trick is always a surprise: how a text that is hundreds or thousands of years old turns out to be about the thing that's happening to you, however modern and unprecedented you thought it was." - The New Yorker


Hacky Pop-Up Book's Narrative Tension Pretty Dependent On Lifting Colored Flaps

IOWA CITY, IA - Deriding the work's narrative structure as formulaic and ultimately predictable, local 4-year-old Sophia Newsome issued a pointed critical assessment of the pop-up book Mr. Pottle's Green Garden Friday, arguing it was overly dependent upon the lifting of colored flaps. "Though in and of itself, the colored flap, as an extratextual construct, may be praiseworthy, its use by Whipple in these pages feels shopworn and a bit jejune. Unfortunately, I fear Mr. Pottle's Green Garden is even less successful than the author's foray into scratch-and-sniff literature." Newsome later conceded her initial gloss of the text may have been too superficial, citing the cheery song about a scarecrow that plays when the book's last page is turned.

It's a Lupone Thing

OMG, my personal Patti Lupone kick of late turns out to be an example of an actual pandemic thing! It's got an internet-sanctioned name and everything! Patti's my quaren-crush. It's either the power of her basement tours or Randy Rainbow's adulation that's infectious. I've been going back to check out the work she's done that I haven't seen. Lordy, I haven't been this infatuated since Life Goes On. And that was accomplished without a pandemic.

Check out Patti letting the throttle out during The 30th Anniversary of Les Miserables.

Bobby come on over for dinner!

How to be an arse about farmers' markets [excerpt]

Know the name of the animal you've just eaten | Small producers may be able to tell you the name of the cow, sheep or pig that's recently had a bolt through its brain before being dismembered. Tell your friends as if it's excellent, and not slightly macabre, that your lamb chops used to be called 'Bobby'.

Music Comparison

Title: Summer Clouds
Artist: Ray LaMontagne

Title: The Color of Anyhow
Artist: Beverly Glenn-Copeland

Title: My Old Man
Artist: John Denver

Six low-carb meals that will leave you hungry and depressed

TRYING to cut down on carbs? Prepare these meals, eat them, feel sad and open a family bag of Monster Munch to weep into anyway.

Dry chicken and soggy broccoli
A favourite of celebs, who are famously deluded, this is the perfect combination for guaranteed discontentment. Steam your vegetables so they drip with shame, just like the tears dripping from your eyes. Don't bother seasoning that arid lump of chicken because we all know you're off to the chippy later.

Lettuce wrap
A substitute for a sandwich that no one wants. Choosing lettuce over bread is the definition of insanity. It doesn't matter how much hummus you put inside that sad little leaf; it will taste of melancholy, despair and endless misery.

If you're intent on ruining a good meal and becoming a dried husk of your former self, replace spaghetti with spiralised courgette. It will take f**king ages to make, ruin your bolognese sauce and generally be wet, bland, and disappointing, just like you are.

Cauliflower pizza
You can try to pretend that a cauliflower base is a viable substitute for that sweet, calorific dough, but you know that you're lying to yourself, given that it's unpleasantly moist and tastes of farts. Give up and order a Dominoes.

Attempt to enjoy as it takes you 50 minutes of chewing to get through a mound of tasteless, never-ending foliage. You'll be left so ravenous that you'll be found sobbing on your kitchen floor with massive fistfuls of bread in each emaciated hand. Stuff down some carbs and feel happy instead.